I think for each and every one of us, there will naturally be someone whom we try to model ourselves. Their actions, mannerisms or character strikes us so much so that it grows into us. As we grow older, the details stay in our minds and as long as our awareness or consciousness holds, we become close identicals to these role models in particular areas they strike us.
There are a couple of people who are and will always be my role models. One of whom i will always remember till the day i die is the person i call Dad. Though i no longer use the name ‘Dad’, i become somewhat emotionally affected the moment i hear it. I can never forget his endearing love, his patience and his perseverance. The reason why i writing this post is because i was reminded of him yet again. We woke up early this morning to pay our respects to him.
Dad is now in a faraway place and i think i might get another chance to see him.
Well i am hoping i might get that chance.
Another chance to tell him once again that i love him(I hope he could hear me say it when he was ‘morphined’)
I dunno how to title this post because i am having random thoughts right now.
About work, stress is chasing me right now when the perpetual go-live date is round the corner. Good thing i can still cope technically. The thing i do not have is time and hands. I hope people can see that i am trying very hard.
About a healthy lifestyle, now that i found my equilibrium to my work schedule. I can fit in my healthy activities like runs and rowing. Today is a good start with two sessions of dragonboat with Hougang sec and ACJC alumni. My arms have been itching.
About love, i am fool in this aspect. But i treasure friendship over selfishness now. I think it is rather selfish to want to try and “be with” someone. You might lose a friend. But looking at my lifestyle and daily activities, i most probably end up living a single’s life. I am pretty ok with that but the sucky thing is that you have no one to turn when you need someone. I cope pretty well on my own in a matter of fact though i am still in search of my movie buds. However, having said all these, i am restraining myself to “feel” again because i have found that feeling again. Even if i have to just keep our hang outs to late night one, i really have no qualms about it. I know you know but this friend of yours is “waiting” even till he becomes an uncle.
About the past, i have put it behind me. I am happy to see that its a happier ending right now. There are times when memories come back but they are all but memories.
About people i just met, through friends, i appreciate all those that welcome me and tolerate my social aptitude.
Does anyone realise this? There is some sort of true nature in us. It could be good or bad. A true nature which forms the whole big deal about our character. Not trying to think as though i know it all but i have been observing people since i got interested in the whole thing about life as a subject.
You could be someone who really love porn or have this thought of a really hot girl you really fancy on your bed. This might sound really crude but i am trying to put my thought to the extreme. Do you actually wonder why do you have such a thought and why it doesn’t become a reality? Truthfully, having been a coach, i did had that sort of thought along that line; maybe not so extreme. I won’t go to details.
I bring you the word, Self Control. Self Control is an action upon ourselves and only act upon by our consciousness. Control is inflicted when an abnormal situation happens. Abnormal could be anything, even touching someone’s butt whenever you see them.Are you getting the picture? Ok i hope i am not sounding disgusting. Why we probably do not act upon that true nature of ours is that we apply Self Control on ourselves. Meaning to say, character is a filtered/unfiltered form of being. Think of our self control as the filter and what people see of us is our character with all the true nature all hidden inside.
Life is often a question of yes or no. Decisions are made as to how we live our lives every single day. Coupled with our experiences along the way, we probably had some form of conflict with our true nature and self control. Ever thought about skipping class and made yourself feel really good about it. True nature vs a failed self control.
Why i am talking about this subject is that i failed in my own self control. I will not blame booze nor stress. I just know that i am what i am. And i am apologetic for my actions. It struck me when i heard what was observed about me and i feel so so bad about my actions. I am irritated by myself right now…
Got back from St james’ which was a blessing from Kuozhen, who put me on the Powerhouse guest list. It was fun at the start but suddenly the moment the live singers appeared on stage(we were at boiler room), people started leaving the dance floor.
I seriously thought the whole sentosa thing was a turn off. Just because of one person. I have no idea what is really happening but it felt dead and sian whenever anything got to him. Spoilsport…
Hanging out with a totally different bunch of friends is really thought-provoking. It is a time of exploring more about myself and learning more about different kinds of people. I have to agree with Amy on what she said the other night in my car with pc. “Ted has become more ‘daring’ “. I hope i got the right word but if its not, its really something along that line. Yes i am a regular clubber now. As i said, i have learnt so much more about myself. Two people laughed when i told them, “yes i dance”. Haha.. i am liking the dance more than the booze in fact.
Almost “bring it on” with 3 21-yr-old girls on National day eve at obar. It was alot of fun being the ones “accepted” by them; one was pushing each other to us. I think some guys are so hard up; guys horde around them, buying them drinks to get into their good books and some indians even use their arms to fend off incoming dancers like us. Losers! That was a night i saw the most number of brawls: 3. And also real life gangsters chasing a single target. Scary…
It is nice to feel that my newly reunited buddy is like a brother to me… He can take my shit =p
I really should not be saying this. I feel so much more relaxed after mum has flew off to Hokkaido. Ok i feel guilty saying it now. However, it feels a lot better to have everyone know this.
Seriously, i wonder who cares about me right now. Here’s me calling out for attention now.. Damn!!
I hide too much and am careful when i say personal things to people i know. Past experience has made me feel this way. It is really hard for me to tell someone a secret of mine.
This post is so random… I need to destress!
And dun ever believe your girlfriend when she says there is nothing between her and a colleague when they are at the centre of a scandalous gossip… Quite likely that it is true… It all starts
After 15 years, i finally got “reunited” with an old pal, Myron. I felt really bad knowing the fact that this buddy of mine lived within the same town as i and we didnt actually meet up.
Surprisingly, we have been meeting up often recently and there is still this bond between us. There is so much to catch up. Alot has happened in these 15 years.
Finally the week came to an end. Not going anywhere for a holiday felt like a waste but i do think a holiday for the mind was what i needed. Just doing whatever comes to my mind.
Gym and studying for my SCJP (Sun certified java programmer) exam pretty much occupied my week.
Also The team got 4th for both guys and girls… very relieved…
Entries (RSS)